don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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