You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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