then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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