Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
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