Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
