I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
