he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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