Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
