are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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