the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
