I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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