Your tits are I can't wait for
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
