you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
