i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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