At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
