So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
