i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
