i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
