No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
