i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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