I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
