we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
