3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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