Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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