My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
