Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
