and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
