I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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