I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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