I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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