Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
