i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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