He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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