she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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