I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am in a vortex of obligation.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
