I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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