I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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