The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
