a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
