well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Drunk is not a location!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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