i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
