He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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