i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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