i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
