I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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