I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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