I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
