Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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