dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
