I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
