idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
