we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
