I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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