Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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