i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
