Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
