hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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