i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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