My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
