you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
